Time…

Why does the death of a loved one make a person feel guilty for still living? Trying to “move on” and keep going everyday is a challenge and especially hard in challenging times. I feel guilty if I laugh, I feel guilty if I feel happy, I feel guilty that I can watch the sun rise and set while my sisters body lies in the cold hard ground. But at the same time, I feel fortunate I got to spend time with my sister before she passed and guilty I couldn’t be with her as she took her last breaths. Mostly, I feel sad all the time and try to hide it when others are around. Alone, I cry a lot.

My sister and I love country music but I find I can’t listen to it anymore because every song reminds me she’s not here and I cry again.

The other day I accidentally called her phone, she’s still in my favorites. I quickly hung up waiting to see if her husband or kids answered or worse, if it was “no longer in service”. It’s definitely too soon for that.

Today as I sit alone at home, I’m reminded of a quote by E.R. Pierce from “Fractured Moon”. “Time doesn’t heal all wounds, handy lie though it may be. Time forces acceptance of what cannot be changed.”

Maybe in time the guilt I feel now will subside, but I know the deep ache I feel in my heart will remain. 💖🦋 #OvarianCancer

Published by Conversations with Carli

Just me...trying to live life one day at a time!!

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